Time for Positive Parenting


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AFTER A DIVORCE OR SEPARATION, IT IS COMMON TO HEAR PEOPLE DESCRIBE YOU HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO COMMUNICATE WITH THEIR EX SPOUSE WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT?

WE BRING IN THOM LINEHAN FROM UNH CO-OPERATIVE EXTENSION.

WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT FOR PARENTS TO COMMUNICATE?

I THINK IT IS BECAUSE IT IS SO COMPLICATED. WHAT IT REALLY REPRESENTS IS A CHANGING RELATIONSHIP FROM WHAT WAS ROMANTIC INTO SOMETHING THAT IS MORE OF DOING RIGHT BY THE KID. IT IS VERY DIFFICULT TO DO THAT. THERE IS A LOT OF HISTORY AND TENSION. SO MANY EMOTIONS.

HOW CAN PARENTS BUILD A CONSTRUCTIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH HER EX SPOUSE?

COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY. THIS TIME OF YEAR WHEN PARENTS ARE TRYING TO NEGOTIATE HOLIDAYS WITH THEIR EX-SPOUSE OR X PARTNER INVOLVES TRYING TO KEEP YOUR SELF IN THE PRESENT, TRY NOT TO LET THE PAST GET IN THERE. ALL OF THE DIFFICULTIES OF THE PAST AND THE TENSION, TIPPING FOCUSED ON THE PROBLEM, ATTACKING THE PROBLEM AND NOT THE PERSON, AND REALLY TRYING NOT TO MAKE ASSUMPTIONS, AND AGAIN KEEPING THAT RELATIONSHIP BUSINESSLIKE AND SIMPLE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

WHEN YOU FACTOR IN THE KIDS ARE OFTEN TIMES LIVING IN DIFFERENT HOUSEHOLDS, WHAT ARE THE RULE OF THUMB IS TRY TO KEEP CONFLICT IN FOR THE CHILDREN DOWN AND CONNECTION UP. THAT MEANS THAT KIDS REALLY NEED TO KNOW THAT THEIR PARENTS ARE GOING TO BE THERE FOR THEM IN BOTH HOUSEHOLDS AN THAT THEY DON’T HAVE TO DIVIDE AND ARE NOT PUT IN THE MIDDLE.

FOR PARENTS GOING THROUGH THIS, WHAT CAN ADVICE CAN YOU GIVE THEM TO HELP MAKE THIS GO OR AVOID COMMON MISTAKES?

THE CHIEF ADVISE IS AVOID PUTTING THE CHILDREN IN THE MIDDLE, SO IF YOU HAVE TO TALK TO YOUR EX PARTNER OR SPOUSE, TALK TO THEM. AND TRY NOT TO SAY YOUR FATHER, HE IS LATE AGAIN TO PICK U UP, SO PUTTING THE ADJUDICATION BETWEEN THE ADULTS

Source: wmur.com

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