LW4SP: To Every Mother Who Has a Son


April 18, 2014

Dear every other weekend Grandma:

Unfortunately, that will be the future title of millions of you because of one simple fact, you had a son. Likely, you haven’t thought much about this potential future for many reasons. You lead a busy lifestyle, your son is still an infant or toddler, his marriage seems healthy or any of a host of other reasons.

Further, from the time you were small, you’ve been taught that the Court system is “fair” and “justice” will prevail, even if he finds himself there. After all, your son is a good person and will be a good future father, so he`ll not be made a “visitor” in the lives of his children. “Why worry about this?” you think, as you tell yourself your son will never get divorced anyway.

You should worry because of what you already know: decades of legal precedents in Family Courts favor mothers when custody of children is to be decided. Many times, fathers are left out, even completely alienated from their children, with no recourse. But this situation doesn’t only impact fathers; “collateral damage” includes their Mothers (You!), Grandmothers, Sisters, Aunts and indeed, your entire family. If the long standing statistic of 81.7% of “Custodial Parents” being Mothers doesn’t change, and if your son is unfortunate enough to experience divorce, expect it to have a devastating impact on everyone around your Thanksgiving table.

What are the chances your son will get divorced? Again, you already know the percentage of marriages which end in divorce and the more sons you have, the higher the chance this will be your personal future. So if you already know how many marriages end in divorce, and how many fathers are allowed meaningful time with their children, should you be comfortable that you’ll never be made an “every other weekend” grandma? Finally, as if “every other weekend” wasn’t bad enough, you should also know paternal grandmothers are considered at high risk for losing complete contact with their grandchildren after divorce. Can you honestly imagine the depths of hurt caused to these grandmothers, whose only “crime”, like you, was having a son?

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